Good morning,
Here we go again!
I have been back for about 20 days, still kind of jet-lagged, and adjusting has been pretty difficult. I really enjoyed the 12 days I spent at home. Catching up with everybody, and getting on the ice (at a reasonable time) will never not make me happy.
I bet you all were not expecting this to start up in Week 0, but I just felt like writing this week and one more surprise for you:
Genuinely an unskippable thumbnail, eh 😂?
27-minute travel highlight reel. There was so much footage I had to cut down, and my Final Cut Export failed too, so I had to screen record the video 🤦♂️.
The video is unlisted right now because I feel like the real ones who actually read these logs deserve it first before I start rolling out the @tlee.raw content on Instagram.
It's going to be a difficult managing 3 accounts, but for obvious reasons (diabolic/problematic Reels I like) I cannot convert the logs account. Also, there is a lot of sentimental value I hold with that account. If you are on that account just know I love you, and you are a real one.
Alright that was a lot of exposition to start the log, so let's get into what I have been up to and how Week 0 went:
I landed at SFO on the 8th and immediately went to the Coach Simon Summer Dryland Running classic. Still trying to decide what's more brutal; sitting in traffic for 2 hours or running after a 10-hour flight? 🤔 Nevertheless, I am happy that I did decide to go straight from the tarmac to the turf because the only way to delay travel or study abroad depression is to keep yourself busy and moving.
Next couple of days I think I just stayed home because of the heatwave. It's so odd how desensitized, and quickly I fell back into my old habits at home. I probably did not even register 1,000 steps those days 😂. Crazy to think about how I was regularly doing 30,000 steps a day a month ago in China, Singapore, and Korea. The travel logs for Singapore and Korea logs will come out, but I am unsure of the timeline because the full-time job of being a student is back. The NFL is back too. Man I timed that perfectly to be home for Week 1. The SuperBowl rematch was brutal, Maye throwing 3 Meatball Subs, I felt so robbed watching that game. The Niners put the Rams on fraud watch, Trent owns Myles. That's all old news though because we are now in Week 3.
Getting back into driving after 5 months was easier than I thought. No clue why I was little scared of that because driving is not rocket science or solving a circuit. I bought an international driver's license for Japan, even though I never used it. Looking back at it now, I could have used that $35 for maybe another flight to Busan (No joke my ticket was $32 PUS to Osaka on Trip.com). I really miss Asia, and it will for sure be my personality for a long time. Everything in the States is so expensive, and I absolutely despise tipping. $90 to fill up the tank on a Honda Pilot almost gave me a heart attack. It's on my mom's card, but still, it hurts because it gave me insight into how much of a financial burden my brothers and I are to her 🤣. You do not want to have a kid in this economy or one that plays hockey 😅.
Public skates and Gretzky hours (sticktime) $22 is absurd. I get them for free since I am an employee, which is good, but I don't get driving range balls for free. If any Los Lagos legends have a code, please sauce it over, I am too broke to be paying for balls. My golf game is absolutely brutal. I left right when I almost got my swing down, and I came back with an absolutely abysmal swing. We back now though, so we can only improve from here (hopefully).
I knew my life abroad was over officially when I clocked back into work. Bless the lord, I clocked back in because I needed the money desperately. Sad to see that with the new CAHA rules that only NHL team affiliates can have AAA teams in California, so many of the house players that Fremont had hopped over San Jose to try and get in there. Not entirely sure if that is the reason, but it would explain why there is so many Jr. Sharks teams and a good portion of all the old house league kids play there. Although I used to despise most or all those kids, it's sad seeing the rink so liminal. We got more coaches than players, so my coworkers need to sub out, and now we are losing our Friday shifts. Losing Fridays suck, but what's worse is that they are only giving a dollar raise to compensate it. Hopefully over the holidays I can get skate-guard hours again or break into birthday party captain ($18/hour, but you can make $100 tips).
I have no clue why I have so much anxiety trying to get a job when I should be more anxious about trying to get my grades up, so I am actually eligible to apply for a job or internship. I can not even get an internship until after I graduate because I am taking classes over the summer next year and my major is not co-op (study and work required). Most likely I can not work this year and getting a job on campus that's not dining is damn near impossible. Apply through Handshake and get ghosted forever. At this point, I am just praying my parlays hit this season. Realistically the only reason I want a job and need money is to pay for my food because La Jolla is expensive, and I despise the dining hall food on campus. It's no secret I am picky, but how can UCLA guarantee 4 years of housing and have buffet style dining halls, but UCSD cannot. Obviously my bitterness towards not getting in is still there, but God sent me exactly where I am supposed to be. Mama Lee says she will cover my food (like everything else too), but I feel bad spending her money because it's not mine to spend you know. I am almost 20 years-old, I should be more self-sufficient 😂. I know there's so many people in my same position right now that just do not want to admit it. Money will come back eventually, and I know I will not be broke forever, it is just tough right now. When I was abroad, I did not have to confront these problems, and with my 4 part-time jobs last year money, I got a huge taste of how far my money can take me. I am going to be chasing that high for the rest of my life, you feel me.
No clue what I was expecting coming back home, but I was hoping to catch up and spend time with a lot more people. I totally forgot that by the time I came back everybody either left for juniors or school already. However, I am satisfied with the people I did see though, but man would it be nice to get in a couple beer league games with the boys in those 12 days (Beckett sold, just kidding, love you brother 😂).
In a way, it felt like I was gone for longer than 5 months because there's people I met up with I have not even seen for a year or two. I came back during Spring Break for a few days then immediately flew to Tokyo. Even then I do not think I caught up with those people. I am in awe with the passage of time, seeing people I used to see, text, and spend nearly every second with just going on their own paths, and only catching them at strange coincidences. I think this reel I saw on one of my doom-scrolls sums this up perfectly:
Pretty deep caption I can not lie. The last line of "A chapter ending doesn't make the story less real" is absolute bars. Even though I am an advocate for reaching out and checking up on your friends, I am always hesitant on doing it thinking "oh I am not part of their circle anymore" and "they don't mess with me like that anymore", but when I see them in person it's really not the case. Your mind or my mind at least tricks me like that, and it's annoying because sometimes I cannot get out of my mind. You suffer more in your head than in real life, and that has been the story of my life and a lot of other people's lives too. Maybe I am doing too much 😂, which is probably the reason I do not have many friends too 💀, but I would rather be doing too much than too little because what good does it serve you to do the bare minimum? I owe it to myself and everybody to just be unapologetically me.
Alright moving along from my classic tangents, I am officially back in La Jolla! I moved-in last Sunday, and boy was that a doozy. For starters, I procrastinated packing, and pulled an all-nighter before driving down. I definitely need to take accountability for that and stressing Mama Lee out because I came back home late from work, did not pack throughout the week leading up, and was sweating the UFC 331 Van vs. Pantoja fight. Van is going to be champion for a long time, his boxing is just something else man, and man do I love to watch him fight. I will avoid going into a Van glaze tangent, but truthfully the reason I procrastinated packing was because I was scared. Scared of going back to La Jolla, what will happen this quarter, and the subsequent ones. By now you would think I am used to failing, but I am not, and I do not think anyone is. I used to beat myself over being scared and of all the fears in this world this is mine, but I am human. Inserting the Superman speech here:
Watch on YouTubeGod, I am a sucker for superhero movies and basically quoting anything from a movie. Maybe I am just obsessed with the Hero's Journey 😂. I am going to give a shout-out to my 8th grade quarantine English teacher, Ms. Bryan, and my 2nd semester freshmen teacher, Ms. Newray for teaching me this. I doubt they will ever see or read this, and I probably should visit or email them especially Ms. Newray, but I wanted to name them because if it was not for them, my world and knowledge would be so much smaller.
Any ways, I am scared, and I probably made that abundantly clear, but I am happy that I am admitting that instead of running from it. Regardless of how scared I am, life has to go on, so I gathered-up my willpower to pull an all-nighter packing, and got in the car to leave home. The biggest thing I have to learn is be ok with being scared and asking for help. Being vulnerable is not a weakness and I should not patronize myself for doing it. There is no such thing of fearlessness, it's all about having courage, and I respect myself enough to have the courage to fail or better yet, the courage to try again.
I felt like The Bard writing that last paragraph leading up to that Green Lantern clip. Man, does that movie blow, but Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively have such good chemistry and this scene just gets me. Lanterns show is a banger though, I will say that.
So far, my time in La Jolla has been pretty good. My new suite-mates are all dope and chill. My room is so much more of an upgrade compared to last year, and I am so grateful. The new place so good, I realistically cannot have any excuses no more besides the elevator possible breaking down, and even that's a terrible lazy excuse. I was supposed to have two days of classes, but one of my professors cancelled 🙏. All my professors seem pretty good, but I have yet to see their midterms, so I cannot have a strict verdict on that. I am taking COGS 108: Data Science in Practice, ECE 5: Introduction to ECE, ECE 45: Circuits and Systems, and ECE 109: Engineering Probability and Statistics (100% final ).
The mindset shift coming back home or to campus is definitely causing me some turmoil, going from "What am I going to do today?" to "What am I supposed to be doing today?" is a hard transition that I need to figure out the switch too. Week 0 was so fun last year because I was so naive into what was coming for me, life was really Monster's University and 22 Jump Street. Those first two weeks were special like 2025 Week 15 Kyle Pitts 🥲. It's one of those things you experience once though, so I am jealous of the freshmen and the new transfers that get to experience it for the first time. However, if I hear one more "What's your Instagram?" I am going to crash out because those conversations never go anywhere, and it's all performative. UCSD is really socially dead, and almost every "function" happening so non-organically, it's really cringe. In fairness, I am knocking on it because I am not getting invited to them 🤣. Most my colleagues in engineering moved on to the higher courses and I dropped my data science minor so there goes my class of 2029 buddies too, but hey this is an opportunity to find a new friend group. Hopefully it happens soon because if not I might rush a frat. I can't seem to stop this loneliness wherever I go. To those who say, "You got the hockey team" I give you this:
Not a single person answered 🥲🤣 I thought you all were supposed to be my boys and girls too since it's a co-ed team.
I did end up going to the beach though, running to it.
That's a brutal time though; 13.31 miles in 2:07:31, average pace 9:35 a mile. I was doing 8:09 pace the beginning of the year. I will get better as the year progresses, but I am happy and proud that I did it, so along with the ice cream, I treated myself to the first in-N-Out burger I had in 5 months:
My stomach is still on the Japanese eat only to 70% full diet, it's pretty brutal. I miss sharing a meal with my Kyoto friends, it's really sad to see the activity in the group chat slowly die down, and eating a meal by yourself. I am really dragging this out 😅, but it's something I want to work on. Who really wants to be alone? I like being alone, I will never not mind having all the freedom and independence with it, but I do not love it. No one does besides introverts I think. Funny enough I think my MBTI indicator is INTJ when I took it my freshman year. I thought and still think to an extent it's a sham because why would you let a test define what you are, and the people who do are insufferable (probably the judgement in me, eh?). You see how easy it is to drag it? It's essentially the same as Zodiac signs.
I do not know much, but I do know that I am tired of being alone, and this is a lengthy log for a Week 0, so I better wrap it up. This is Video of the Week:
Greg Plitt is the reason I will succeed.As always, thank you to whoever read or listened to the end now that I have a text-to-speech button. These logs are more meant for me than it is for you, but if they made you smile, helped you, or made your day in some sort of way that makes it all worth it for me. Always remember you matter, and I hope I matter too. See you next week!
Godspeed!