Man up. This is definitively the most common phrase every male hears from other males when confronted with tough situations. From a young age, whenever boys get hurt or experience any sort of pain, they are met with the “man up” response—hearing it over time makes boys downplay their own emotions and pain. Boys are taught to be stoic and self-reliant from birth. Family, media, and education all feed into these expectations and societal norms, pushing the idea of a “tough guy.” Boys are trained not to cry and never to utter “I need help” or “I am struggling.” This history of stigma has deep roots in our society. If boys keep bottling their emotions, never letting them out, it can lead them to depression, radical behaviors, and even suicide.
In the documentary The Mask You Live In, a clip shows a teacher doing an exercise asking teenage boys what they want people to see on the outside and what they do not want people to see. Almost all the boys said they do not want people to see their anger, frustration, and pain. Watch any movie; it will have stereotypical male archetypes—superheroes, athletes, and entrepreneurs, to name a few. Very rarely, you will see the shy, frail, vulnerable male figures, and when they appear, it is often the comedic relief with a punchline to call him “a pussy.” Society has forged the image of masculinity with vigor, strength, resilience, and robustness. The Mask You Live In further explores how social expectations of masculinity negatively impact the mental health and physical well-being of boys and men in the United States. It delves into pressures boys face to adhere to traditional masculine ideals, including body images displaying toughness and rejecting anything defined as feminine or showing weakness.
I have personally witnessed how damaging it is when the image of masculinity has been consumed by my close friend. He was a good-looking boy with curly blond hair and a thin and tall body figure. Many people around him thought he would be scouted to be a model in the future. Envied by his peers, he was sometimes bullied for his outstanding appearance. Since he was not getting any benefits from his picture-perfect looks and slim shape, he became obsessed with building up his muscles. When COVID-19 happened, many young boys, including me, started working out at home, hoping we would be bulked up like Greek gods and be strong. However, his case was extreme. He has kept forcing himself to eat to gain weight for the last few years. When people comment on him that he got bigger, he takes it as a compliment and works harder to eat more. He has gained so much weight that he can not move his body fast enough, forcing himself to quit the sport he has dedicated his entire youth to. Even after all this, he has not stopped overeating. Although his mother acknowledges his abnormal eating habits and tries to seek help for him, my friend and his father dismiss her concern. My friend is a victim of the masculinity that our society expects of even teenage boys. Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection urges, “Men in the United States are less likely to receive mental health treatment and more likely to die by suicide than women” (Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, “Mental Health,” Paragraph 10). My friend is a prime example of this statement, and I sincerely hope he receives the much-needed help before he hurts himself more.
Unfortunately, schools, being primary environments for social and emotional development, are not equipped with adequate mental health resources and support for boys. The school environment frequently focuses more on punishment than understanding the root of behavioral problems. As a result, according to The Mask You Live In, boys are more likely to drop out, two times more likely to be suspended, and four times more likely to be expelled. In the article “Ignoring Male Suffering Can Lead to Radicalization through Men's Rights Groups” by Ari David Blaff, Blaff stresses, “When society has been conditioned to satirize and humorize male suffering, not recognize it, men are left with few acceptable pathways to articulate and advocate for themselves. That is why so many young, impressionable, and hurt men gravitate to obscure corners of Reddit and internet culture to find solace and resources” (Blaff, Paragraph 17). Blaff then argues ignoring male suffering pushes young boys and men toward harmful online communities and exposes them to radical ideas. Nikolas Cruz, the Parkland High School shooter, is an example of boys’ radicalization.
Nikolas Cruz is a byproduct of a boy who was abandoned by society, intoxicated by radical ideas, and eventually caused devastating consequences. Terry Spencer’s article, “Testimony: School Shooter’s Home Ruled by Chaos,” describes the chaotic and violent childhood of Nikolas Cruz. Cruz’s testimony from his penalty trial uncovers that he and his orphan brother Zachary often fought and destroyed property, causing their adoptive mother, Lynda, to call the police multiple times. Despite a repetitive pattern of violent behavior, including attacking other children and killing animals, Cruz, an orphan at birth and having both his adoptive parents die before 18, did not receive sufficient mental health support. According to Wikipedia, the Florida Department of Education and all schools Cruz attended were well aware of his situation and yet attempted to do nothing but expel and transfer him to different schools (Wikipedia, “Nikolas Cruz,” Paragraph 4). Expelling and transferring him sends a familiar message to him, “you do not belong anywhere.” There was no aid or checkup on Cruz when his adoptive mother died, leaving him all alone in this world. CNN, Paul P. Murphy’s article, “Exclusive: Group Chat Messages Show School Shooter Obsessed with Race, Violence, and Guns,” reports that Cruz was a member of a private group chat expressing radical views such as racism, antisemitism, xenophobia, and homophobia (Murphy Paragraph 3). When Cruz posted his sporadic and disturbing social media posts, even the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) knew about it and dismissed it. As displayed, “Unfortunately, as was disclosed by the FBI shortly after [Parkland High School Shooting], the FBI did receive two separate tips that we now know were related to the alleged shooter, Nikolas Cruz”(David Bowdich, “Summary and Timeline Related to Parkland Shooting Investigation,” Paragraph 4). One of the tips was a comment on a YouTube channel, Cruz saying, “Im going to be a professional school shooter”(David Bowdich, “Summary and Timeline Related to Parkland Shooting Investigation,” Paragraph 8). Although Nikolas Cruz is ultimately to blame for the horrific and tragic deaths of 17 young lives, the educational system and his community neglected his problems, failing to prevent Cruz’s radicalization, ultimately resulting in this tragedy.
Failure to address boys' mental health in schools can have severe consequences. In the short term, boys will continue to face increased dropout rates, as well as higher rates of suspensions and expulsions due to behavioral issues linked to unaddressed mental health problems. This neglect can ultimately trigger another school shooting. Long-term consequences include elevated suicide rates among males due to untreated mental health conditions and long-term emotional and psychological damage affecting their future well-being. In recent years, it has become clear that students are undoubtedly struggling with their mental health. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “In 2021, over 40% of students felt persistently sad or hopeless, and nearly a third reported experiencing poor mental health.” The situation is even more dire considering how the National Institute of Mental Health reveals, “In 2021, the suicide rate among males was 4 times higher (22.8 per 100,000) than among females (5.7 per 100,000).” The emotional and psychological damage that begins in childhood can grow exponentially as children grow. They may struggle with chronic mental health issues, substance abuse, and even involvement in the criminal justice system. The stress and anxiety that come from unaddressed mental health issues lead to a reduced quality of life and productivity.
Implementing mental health programs and creating supportive school environments can effectively address the mental health struggles of boys. Tran Nguyen reports every ESUHSD (East Side Union High School District) school has a mental health and wellness center (San Jose Spotlight, “Silicon Valley Schools Prioritize Student Mental Health,” Paragraph 24). I cannot speak for all ESUHSD schools, but I went to Silver Creek High School (Part of ESUHSD) and can confirm a wellness center on campus. After my father’s sudden passing, both my older brothers leaving for college, and with COVID-19 ending my whole middle-school social life, I was alone entering Silver Creek, feeling I could not talk to anyone. Desperate for help and company, I went to one of my teachers. My teacher sent me to the mental health and wellness center. Although I had my struggles, my masculinity convinced me I did not need to go, and I was better off on my own; I could not have been more wrong. Silver Creek High School’s mental health and wellness center provided free snacks and drinks, comfortable lounge couches, books, one-on-one therapy, and my favorite: a punching bag; it was a welcoming, comforting, and safe place that saved my sanity. I became comfortable sharing and opening up about myself during the one-on-one therapy sessions. I will never forget what Mr. Camacho, my English teacher/personal therapist, told me. “You are too hard on yourself, and the more pressure and expectations you put on yourself will break you down. No one’s expecting you to be perfect; just be yourself. Be ok with being you.” At Silver Creek High School, teachers discreetly send students to the center during passing periods to ensure they feel safe and comfortable when seeking help to avoid being judged by peers. From my own experience, it would be helpful if comprehensive mental health education was mandatory and integrated into the curriculum, as well as on-site counseling and peer support groups specifically for boys. Encouraging open discussions about emotions and mental health while training teachers and staff to recognize student mental health struggles can significantly change the school environment.
Despite the benefits of addressing students’ mental health in schools, some argue against it, pointing out the limited school resources. They emphasize academic improvement rather than general mental health programs. There is also concern that students might misuse mental health programs to skip classes. Even though these students exist, it is a significantly small problem compared to the bigger picture in potentially saving students' lives. In order to ensure the program serves its intended purpose, detention is implemented for students who misuse the facility at Silver Creek. Additionally, some argue that mental health programs should focus on traditionally underrepresented groups. However, we now know that boys are more prone to mental health struggles.
Tara Westover’s Educated: A Memoir illustrates how rigid societal expectations and lack of support can hinder personal growth and mental health. Westover was forced to comply with her family’s strict Mormon beliefs, mirroring how boys are pressured to suppress emotions and "man up." Her lack of access to formal education and public support parallels the experiences of boys without mental health resources, negatively affecting their well-being. Chapter thirty-seven, “Gambling for Redemption,” describes her life unraveling as she struggles with the night terror of her father entrapping her on top of her fear of failing her PhD, leading her to return to Idaho for Christmas to reconcile with her family. She starts skipping class to watch television instead and has trouble focusing on reading and studying. In this dilemma, Westover writes, “The thing about having a mental breakdown is that no matter how obvious it is that you’re having one, it is somehow not obvious to you. I’m fine, you think... I’m not falling apart” (Westover 377) her denial of her own mental health struggles resemble what boys would do in a similar situation. However, her inspiring story proves the transformative power of support, education, and community in overcoming social biases, giving young boys and men hope to break free from societal expectations and lack of emotional support.
Addressing mental health struggles among boys is critical. Schools must provide a safe and comfortable environment for boys to open up about their emotions and get the help they need in order for them to succeed in school and life ahead. The stigma of labeling boys as inferior for expressing their emotions must come to an end. Recognizing and tackling boys’ mental health challenges in schools is critical to help them grow healthier. We must be more mindful and supportive towards boys, assuring them they do not need to “man up healthiest version of themselves.
Works Cited
"Mental Health." Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale, 2023. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, Gale Document Link, Accessed July 21, 2024.
Blaff, Ari David. "Ignoring Male Suffering Can Lead to Radicalization through Men's Rights Groups." Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale, 2024. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, Gale Document Link, Accessed 23 July 2024.
Newsom, Jennifer Siebel, and Jessica (Producer) Anthony. The Mask You Live In. Kanopy Streaming, 2015.
Bowdich, David. “Summary and Timeline Related to Parkland Shooting Investigation.” FBI, 20 Mar. 2018, FBI Website.
Spencer, Terry. “Testimony: School Shooter’s Home Ruled by Chaos.” AP News, 14 Sept. 2022, AP News Website.
Nguyen, Tran. “Silicon Valley Schools Prioritize Student Mental Health.” San José Spotlight, 28 Oct. 2021, San José Spotlight Website.
Westover, Tara. “Chapter 37: Gambling for Redemption.” Educated: A Memoir. E-Book, Random House, 2018, pp 376-384.
“Suicide.” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, NIMH Statistics, Accessed 25 July 2024.
Murphy, Paul P. “Exclusive: Group Chat Messages Show School Shooter Obsessed with Race, Violence and Guns.” CNN, Cable News Network, 18 Feb. 2018, CNN Website.
“Nikolas Cruz.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 18 July 2024, Wikipedia Entry.
“Mental Health.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 May 2024, CDC Website.